Is creating a trauma "Narrative Story" always good for you?
An exploration of using narratives to heal traumatic experiences.
Trigger warning: depression, trauma, suicidal ideation
What is Narrative Storytelling?
“Why can you always reach mom’s expectation, Sis!? Everything I do always turns out to disappoint them, especially dad. I tried so hard to make them proud! But, it doesn’t seem to be working at all. I hate myself! What’s the point of living if I can never reach their expectation! I couldn’t bear to see any more disappointment on my mother’s face!”
This dialogue happened about one year ago when I was having a conversation with my brother. I remember I felt heartbroken by what he said. From our talk, I could feel his desperation to reach my parent’s expectations. I wanted to help him find that positivity and hope again, so I let him express it all to relieve his anxiety. Then, when we had a long conversation about things happening to him, I could see that he was relieved from the pressure.
A lot of Asian children might have the same experience as my brother. Asian parents usually set up high expectations for their children, which puts them under a lot of pressure. Even though the child got a high score, some parents will not be satisfied until their child has the highest score in the class. Parents think this expectation is suitable for their children, so they don’t understand their children’s complaints. Filial piety (孝道) is essential in China, so children cannot disobey their parents- they must work harder. However, when children cannot get any positive feedback for their hard work, they can’t find any meaning behind it. For example, when a child gets 100 in the math exam, usually, parents should be happy—however, that’s not the case. The parents are mad at their children for not getting the extra credit because another student in the class got 103 because of that extra credit. Research shows that Asian kids commit suicide when they can’t meet their parent’s expectations. When parents can’t appreciate their child’s hard work, it will be detrimental for the child to find the meaning of the hard-working achievement.
If you are a member of the Asian community (or even if your not) and you struggle with finding meaning behind your scholastic hard work, I am here to offer you a way to help you make meaning of your experiences through Narrative Storytelling. Narrative storytelling is when someone shares a meaningful past event to shape their identity. Each of those narrative stories has its meaning-making. For example, negative events and turning points in their life are the common topics of narrative. Usually, these topics always have a positive resolution by the end because they help shape the storyteller itself. But not always. I will help you learn the advantages and disadvantages of Narrative Storytelling.
Benefits of Narrative storytelling
Narrative storytelling is when someone shares a meaningful story that is used to anchor their identity. Many psychologists use the advantage of narrative storytelling to help trauma patients. For example, narrative Psychology often uses Narrative Exposure Therapy (NET) to help treat patients with PTSD. When people experience long-term trauma exposure, they can’t find any meaning or reason why it happened in their life. As a result, they usually are not able to talk about it. That is when NET can help. Narrative Exposure Therapy usually helps the patient refine and understand their memory of trauma. However, this therapy is generally used for severe trauma, but it also works for small trauma events.
“Today, when I talked to you, it helps me. It makes me think that in this world at least there are some people who want to know about me and my life story”
This quote is from a 27 years old Afghanistan female’s feeling after talking about their story. This quote comes from a study about how storytelling healed women that experienced Gender-based Violence (GBV) in Afghanistan. This quote shows positive feedback from storytelling from someone that has a trauma-related background. As you can see, when the storyteller is surrounded by a sympathetic listener and a supportive social environment, they can relieve themselves from suffering, feel heard, and gain a positive social identity.
When a person has experienced trauma, they will need a listener that can understand them. You may think that gender-based violence is not the same as parent’s unattainable academic expectations. And you are right. But they both have a similar problem: in both situations, the storyteller couldn’t find someone who understands their situation. More specifically, in Gender-Based Violence research, women were disrespected by men. As a result, the community would not understand women’s challenging situation. For Asian families, parents don’t understand the pressure they have on their children; therefore, it causes psychological trauma for them. Thus, if a traumatized person tells their story to someone that does not understand, it will be detrimental to them.
What I am going to say next is very important：The choice of the listener and environment is the critical factor determining whether their narrative storytelling will help them regain confidence and find the meaning of their life.
Is Narrative Storytelling always Helpful?
The answer is no! As I said initially, storytelling is not always beneficial, especially for people who experience multiple negative events. The study Does Making Meaning Make it Better? Narrative Meaning-making and Well-being in at-risk African-American Adolescent Females talks about the danger of narrative storytelling from someone that lives in constant negative events. Meaning-making is when people write about their past negative life events and show how this event has affected their future. However, it is difficult to find the meaning behind someone experiencing multiple negative events. If you live in an environment that gives consistent negative experiences, you must be cautious about the choice of whether to find meaning behind negative experiences.
For example, many Asian parents set their children to aim for the top 10 in their grade. Some of them have the potential to achieve, but not everyone can. Many other children have seen progress in the grade ranking from each exam, but it’s impossible to reach to top 10. What is traumatic to them is that parents can’t see their progress until they reach their expectation range. In this situation, children will suffer psychological trauma from their parents. Many people who experience psychological trauma will be most likely to have depression, and it could lead to suicide. Based on this level of trauma, it maybe best to look forward, as looking forward gives people hope that their lives will be better in the future.
Overall, the purpose of creating narrative stories is to let others get to know you. Telling the right person that understands you will make your stories worth it. But if you tell the wrong person, it will only hurt you. Again, from the GBV study, a second result shows that storytelling in an environment where no one understands you is hurtful. Some women in the research point out that they are ashamed of their stories. Other says everyone blames the narrator for all the bad things that happened to them. The community has a strong effect on individuals.
In Asia, children live in a cultural community where filial piety is their priority. Parents are never wrong about the decision they make for their children. The pressure that children experience from their parent’s unreachable expectations could lead to depression. When the closest person could not understand their situation, finding meaning behind all the hard work will only traumatize them. If you face this kind of situation, looking forward to your life is the best choice.
Suggestions for Narrative Storytelling
If you have a trauma-related background, telling your story can be both beneficial and detrimental. Here is a list of my suggestions to figure out if narrative storytelling is right for you:
Please assess your level of psychological trauma before making your narrative.
If you are someone that has severe depression, STOP! I recommend choosing therapy like the Narrative Exposer Therapy. They are professionals who can provide you with the best treatment to help you walk out and recreate your identity.
If you experience a low level of trauma, I recommend choosing a suitable listener like an understandable friend. Keeping everything to yourselves is not good for your mental health. Sometimes, talking to a close friend will be helpful for you to relieve some of the pressure.
I hope these suggestions will help you. Remember, you are not alone in this world. You can always seek out help if you are experiencing psychological trauma.
Lastly, my final tip is that speaking out your pressure to someone that understands you is helpful. But trauma usually takes time to resolve. When my brother told me about his desperation, I could see some relief. But it doesn’t immediately affect him to relieve all that pressure he is experiencing. Most likely, speaking out for yourself will be the best first step in taking care of your mental health.
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